


Daybreak At Last

by SouthernGentleMonster



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief description of suicide, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reincarnation, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21668686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernGentleMonster/pseuds/SouthernGentleMonster
Summary: He felt no dread in his decision, his mind only on the fond memories of the past, that of warmth and secret touches during those long nights. The entire world had been laid bare between them but Henry had found even greater beauty in James instead. He couldn't help but let out a tired laugh."We both went out on our own terms and that's the best any of us can really ask for, isn't it James."
Relationships: Commander James Fitzjames/Harry D. S. Goodsir
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16
Collections: The Terror Bingo (2019)





	1. Lost Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is the first chapter of a reincarnation au  
> If you can't handle suicide pls skip the first portion of the chapter or back out as this may not be the fic for you. Your mental health is very important.
> 
> I decided to start the fic off with where we last see Goodsir as i want to explore the concept of dealing with shared trauma through reincarnation. It's horrifying to go through what all the characters did and how a lot of them died and seeing how that carries through when they bump into each other and remember feels like a good way to stretch my writing muscles
> 
> I personally have dealt with issues of suicide and ptsd and will be placing the lens of my own experience while writing. Each person deals with these matters differently and I ask you be respectful

Henry laid there in his cot, the stars peeking through a gap in the tent as he listened intently to the crackle of a fire and the chatter of men outside. Or so the masks they wore looked like men but what lied beneath the surface was far worse than anything the Tuunbaq did. He reached up, fingers tracing along the Ursa Major and he took one last good look at the stars until tears blurred his vision. James always joked that it would be the bear in the sky that led them to the passage only now he was gone and Henry was alone. That’s when he remembered his own words, oh so desperate to give comfort to a dying man. 

_ ‘Do you know sometimes when people are near passing I've heard they speak of a radiance like a million daybreaks all in one.’ _

He couldn’t even recall the young man’s name now but he did remember his fear and how it had become an infection that spread throughout the ship as things had become worse. So many good men had died at the hand of horrors that none of them had expected to find out at sea.

He could only hope that the others would make it out, find their way back home to warm bed and families, that what he was about to do would stop further death. He felt no dread in his decision, his mind only on the fond memories of the past, that of warmth and secret touches during those long nights. The entire world had been laid bare between them but Henry had found even greater beauty in James instead. He couldn't help but let out a tired laugh. 

"We both went out on our own terms and that's the best any of us can really ask for, isn't it James." He rose and stripped of his clothing, the aches of his body reminding him of just how human he really was. The vile felt heavy in his hand and as he tipped it over the liquid seemed to move slowly through the air before it hit the water. He used it to clean himself up properly, making sure to cover his entire body and once he was finished he dressed once more as a man of his profession. Francis knew, of course, he’d given him warning of his plans and his Captain had tried to convince him otherwise but this was his choice and if there was one thing he did that mattered it was this. He laid back down on his cot, the moon now above him almost brighter than he’s ever seen it. 

At first, there was nothing but soon his body started to feel numb and the tremors would soon follow. He thought of James who had become his beacon in dark times, his rock at sea, his partner whom he shared wonder with each new discovery of the world. Just maybe if there really be a God they will both find peace. He took out his knife, his one weapon and pressed it to his wrists, the pressure of the blade the only thing he could really feel. He repeated the action once more and with one last spiteful breath he choked out the words that would take flight on the arctic winds.

“May the Devils give chase and the Lost souls haunt you till the end of your days.” 

* * *

Henry woke abruptly covered in sweat but feeling as if he had been dunked into an ice bath, his breathing sharp and painful to the point he could only lie there on his side as tears rolled down his cheeks. He couldn’t remember what it was that he had dreamed about but the dread that came from it felt like a predator right below the surface ready to attack. He curled up around one of his pillows until he could feel his heart and breathing to slow down. His room seemed unnaturally bright and he looked to the clock. It was barely past midnight, on the third day of November. He sat up suddenly and his body was struck with odd phantom ache along his arms. He rubbed at the joints as he got up out of bed and looked out the window where he could see now that the light was the full moon and he frowned. He was sure that the full moon wasn’t supposed to be for another two weeks from now so what was going on.

“Happy fuckin’ birthday to me.”

  
  



	2. Dreamscape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘You’ve been stressed.’ He let out a sigh and slouched in his chair. She wasn’t wrong the museum had a new exhibit coming in that he had been assigned to help with. It was outside his usual naturalist circles so it been a handful of him trying to find balance. 
> 
> “I think I know what the moon looks like though.”

Henry rubbed at his hands together in hopes to warm them and opts to stick them under his legs instead.

“It’s been days and I haven’t gotten proper sleep since that oddity with the moon.” Silna looked at him with brows raised over the paperwork in her hands before she put it down and signed.

_ ‘You’ve been stressed.’  _ He let out a sigh and slouched in his chair. She wasn’t  _ wrong  _ the museum had a new exhibit coming in that he had been assigned to help with. It was outside his usual naturalist circles so it been a handful of him trying to find balance. 

“I think I know what the moon looks like though.” He and Silna were close, becoming quick friends when they both had joined the museum a year ago as part of their schooling but even so, he had some reservations of admitting his worries to her. He bit at the corner of his lip while he picked at the frayed patch on the elbow of his jacket. That seemed to gather her full attention. He shivered not because of her unsteady stare but the cold that seemed to seep up his spine.

_‘Are you okay Henry?’_ Tears welled up and he wiped them away with confusion, staring at where they gathered at his fingertips where they numbed his fingers. Why was he crying?

“I… had a dream a couple of days ago. You were there, not as you are now but somehow I knew it was you. We were on a lake I think? I couldn’t tell because there was just so much ice and fog I could barely see a few meters around us but there was also so much blood. I swear I could almost smell it, the copper heavy in the air and I woke after hearing the most horrifying noise.” He had felt as if he had fallen asleep in an ice bath and that cold seemed to have lingered with him ever since. He had exhausted all of his hot water trying to warm himself that morning. 

_ ‘Lunch. Right now.’  _ He already knew it was too late, she had made up her mind but he would attempt reason still.

“We have work to do the new exhibit arrives tomorrow we need to be prepared.” She stood and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her fingers tapping out a familiar pattern. It was her way of saying ‘take a deep breath’ and he slowly relaxed against her shoulder as he sought warmth. She didn’t have to sign for him to know what she was thinking and perhaps she was right, things would be fine and once they were done things would go back to normal. 

Before they ventured out of their offices he bundled up another layer in hopes to beat the chill. 

The lobby was busy as the morning crowds rushed by. It was mostly school outings, teachers chasing after wandering students. As his eyes scanned the crowd someone caught his eye and Silna nearly ran him over with how sudden he had stopped. There was a tall man that moved with such ease and confidence it parted the crowds, men and women alike gawking openly.

“Who is that? A director?” She shrugged. They weren’t exactly on the top of the list of folks to be kept informed.

“He looks pompous.” He looked over and found one of the security guards, his name tag simply stating ‘Hickey’. The man always made Henry feel at unease. It always felt he was up to something even if Henry had yet to see any proof of it. One of their tour guides, Jopson, who was on break cleared his throat.

“He’s new, came along with the exhibit. Heard he’s awfully attached to the whole thing because of family connections of some sort.” Jopson kept a short distance away, a warm drink tucked between his hands as he also watched the crowds. Sometimes Henry worried due to Jopsons’ ability to always be in the right places to know what he knows, but it really shouldn’t come as a surprise as he came along with Director Crozier and went with him everywhere.

“The Franklin one?” Henry asked. Jopson nodded before he took off more than likely to find Little in the armory. The two  _ thought  _ they were discreet but Jopson was a bit lovestruck and obvious. He was sure it gave poor Little anxiety. When he looked back around Hickey had vanished and he was left with his thoughts as he watched the stranger stop and look around. Henry could have sworn he looked right at him and he felt a pull towards the man, an urge to run to him and embrace him as if they had known each other for years. A brief cold touch moved along his jaw to the back of his neck and he instinctively tilted his head back as if to receive something, a strange moment of Deja Vu. He tried to bury himself deeper into his jacket but the cold refused to budge. Something tapped at his elbow and he turned to find that Silna looking concerned.

_ ‘It’s cold today.’  _ He could most definitely agree, even as mid-November crept upon them the cold almost felt unnatural. 

“We should get going.” 

The rest of the day was a blur, several hours passing as the paperwork was filed and artifacts were prepped for display. It was extremely delicate work and one that required hyperfocus that for once Henry was happy to oblige. It wasn’t until the near the end of it all when Francis called the entire team into a meeting did things turn upside down. 

They had entered the room and it immediately felt like walking into a freezer and Henry couldn’t help but notice he wasn’t the only one that had bundled up. Jopson was there in the corner with a tray ready to serve tea, a scarf tucked around his neck that Henry was sure had more than one purpose. Little was staring straight forward at some apparently very interesting paperwork. Peglar and Bridgens only seemed to have eyes for each other as they discussed whatever their latest book project was. It was then it dawned on him just how alone he was. Silna had Sophia and even Irving had his faith and that was good enough for him. Something heavy swelled within him and he frowned.

Sudden discomfort crawled through him almost like an ice pick, chipping away at his chest and time seemed to slow.  His mind began to lull as a hum in the room grew louder, the wall fading away into an expanse of white. He looked around and found he was alone and had no sun or stars to guide him it was simply endless night. 

  
  


“Shit.” Had he even gotten up for work this morning? Doubt filled him with dread, the sound of bird calls had him swinging around and he was now on a dock, crowds of men loading crates onto a ship. A rather beautiful man approaching him and he took a step back. He was for sure dreaming, this was his mind telling him he needed to get out more. 

“Doctor Henry Goodsir I presume?” Henry froze, words attempting to come out and failing.  The mans stare was intense, the deep-set lines of his face almost made him look sad. Locks of long hair framed his face and made him look majestic. 

“T-that is me.” Confusion set in. What kind of dream was this exactly. 

“I’m Commander James Fitzjames and we will be working together during the exhibition.” James stuck his hand out and Henry took it. It felt so real and warm against him he nearly jerked his hand back but something at the back of his mind said not to let go. He smiled and it made Henry’s heart flutter. “I’m sure we’ll discover many things together.” 

“Of course Sir.” The words felt natural on his tongue as if they had been said a thousand times before. He was gone as quickly as he appeared and Henry found himself once more in a cloud of fog only this time a voice called out he couldn’t understand. A gunshot rang out soon after and he ran.

  
  


Henry came to his senses and found himself on the floor with a crowd of shadows overheard. When his vision cleared he realized it was worried coworkers and an unfamiliar face. There was something wet on his face and he brought his fingers up to find blood smeared across them.

“Blood?” Peglar handed him a wad of tissues to clean himself up with and he accepted them gratefully.

“You feeling alright there Henry? It’s not like you to be so clumsy like that you’re usually so attentive.” He flushed as the realization hit that he had made an absolute fool of himself in front of everyone. He was dizzy as he sat up and he could feel Silnas hand on his back to keep him steady. He was fully awake now as he focused on the newcomer in front of him, the same sad eyes looking back at him that he’d seen in his dream.

  
  
  
  



End file.
